Remembering Her
by naelany
Summary: Life as Carlisle knows it has taken an unexpected turn. He walks down memory lane as he heads toward an inevitable decision.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** The wonderful Christag_banner put this banner (you can see it on my blog) up for adoption. She'd never really made anything Esme/Carlisle before, but simply had to make this after seeing the images. In turn, as soon as I saw it, Carlisle hit me over the head with their story. I couldn't not write it, so thank you to Christag_banner for letting me use it.

That said, the format for this is slightly different than what you're used to from me. The chapters are very short, and the story is all done. I'll be posting daily for the next ten days.

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><p>Sitting on the bench overlooking the pond, I smile, despite the sadness that still overwhelms me every day. This is where we met, some fifteen years ago now.<p>

I watch in silence as a couple of girls – _early twenties, maybe?_- jog past me. I hear their giggles when a solitary runner makes way for them, grinning winningly at them and winking. One of the girls blushes and waves back before they go on their way again.

"_Oh, excuse me! I wasn't paying enough attention, I'm so sorry," I apologize, grasping the shoulders of the young woman I almost knocked over as I ran along. _

_She smiles, bracing herself against my arms, laughing shakily. "That's okay - no harm done. I wasn't looking where I was going, either, so my apologies, too."_

_I blush as I look into the most soulful eyes I've ever seen. Her smile widens, warming me from the inside out as she holds out her hand and says, "I'm Esme."_

_Shaking her hand, I chuckle, "Carlisle, at your service. Are you sure you're alright?"_

_Esme nods. We talk for a bit before she eyes me with a mischievous grin and asks if I'm going her way. We end up running together weekly after that._


	2. Chapter 2

I gaze at the young couple walking along the path on the other side of the water, holding hands. I can't hear them, but I imagine what they're talking about. Remembering back to when Esme and I would walk that same path.

_"Carlisle," Esme says quietly. "I know you have to go back to England soon. I was thinking... how would you feel about me joining you?"_

_Pulling her to a stop, I turn to face her. I'm stunned; my heart beats faster with hope and anticipation. I'd like nothing better than to spend more time with Esme, but I've been too afraid to ask. It seems like such an immense sacrifice for her to make, given the short amount of time we've known each other. _

_"Are you sure? I mean... I'd love for you to... I love _you_, Esme." _

_She stands on her tip-toes and kisses me, murmuring happily against my lips, "I love you, too, Carlisle. And yes, I'm sure."_


	3. Chapter 3

With a sigh, I get up to walk to the coffee shop, intending to warm up a little before heading back to the hospital. I'm stalling for time, but I can't help myself. 

The bell jingles as I open the door to the shop, warm air blasting in my face along with the aroma of coffee and freshly baked apple pie.

Alice smiles as I step up to the counter, though her eyes are sad as she takes in the look on my face. She reaches over the counter, covering my hand with hers as she asks quietly, "Your usual, today, Mr. Cullen?"

I nod.

_"Oh, come on, Carlisle, please?" Esme cajoles, smiling like she's already won, which she has, of course._

_Rolling my eyes, I clasp her hand and lead the way into the coffee shop. Esme's practically giddy as she orders us both an eggnog latte as well as pieces of both pumpkin pie and eggnog cheesecake._

_I can't begrudge her this, since we won't be here for Thanksgiving, and it's not likely we'll be back next year, either. So, I give her the chance for one last taste of home, of her favorite treats during the holiday season._

_Anything to make her smile like that some more. As much as we're both looking forward to the move to England, I know it won't be easy for her to be so far from her family._


	4. Chapter 4

As I stare out the window, I smile at the carriage driving past. I can just see the young couple in the back, him in a black tuxedo and her in what I'm sure is a very pretty white dress.

_"I, Carlisle, do swear to be your loving husband. To have and to hold. For rich or for poor. In sickness, and in health. 'Til death do us part."_

_Esme's smile is brilliant, her voice steady despite the tears that stream down her cheeks. She's never looked more beautiful to me then in this moment."I, Esme, do swear to be your loving wife. To have and to hold. For rich or for poor. In sickness, and in health. 'Til death do us part."_

_"By the power vested in me, I declare you husband and wife." Reverend Greene turns to me with a smile and says, "You may now kiss the bride."_

_Very carefully, I cup Esme's face in my hands as I lean down to kiss her._


	5. Chapter 5

Nursing my second cup of coffee, I start as Alice puts a plate of apple pie under my nose with a, "On the house," and a pat on my shoulder. 

"Thank you," I murmur, knowing it's futile to argue with her.

Alice nods, then disappears back behind the counter to help other customers. I dutifully begin eating my slice of pie, though the memories that keep assaulting me make it difficult to swallow at times.

_Greeted by the smell of warm apple pie, I smile as I walk through the door and call out,"Esme? I'm home!"_

_"In the kitchen!" comes the predictable reply._

_I glance around in amazement at the array of food. Seeing Esme bent over to take something out of the oven, I rush to her side and gently move her out of the way so I can take the apple pie out instead. Esme groans as she stretches her back, murmuring her appreciation._

_Once the oven's closed and everything's safely put away, I turn to take her in my arms - something made slightly awkward by her protruding belly._

_Kissing her forehead, I scold her gently, "I thought the doctor said for you to take it easy, love? What if you go into labour and I'm not here? Where's Maggie, anyway? I thought she was supposed to be here, in case..."_

_Esme clucks her tongue, brushing off my concerns, claiming she's perfectly fine and that it's normal for women to nest, as she puts it._


	6. Chapter 6

I thank Alice again on my way out the door. She merely nods, smiling sadly. There's no time for talk, as there are too many customers that require her attention. 

Seeing a woman with a stroller trying to get in, I hurry to open the door for her, stepping aside to allow her to enter before I make my way outside. My heart aches at the sight of the beautiful little girl who smiles up at me with dimpled cheeks and a giggle, her hands making _gimme _moves.

_Esme clutches me tightly as the doctor finishes delivering the news. Our baby boy didn't make it. His little heart failed, despite their best efforts to save him._

_They leave us in peace for a while as we absorb the news and attempt to comfort each other. Esme's in shock from grief, and I'm not faring much better, myself._

_She asks to see him one last time. I can't deny her. Minutes later they bring us his body. Esme starts crying as she cradles him in her arms. I wrap mine around them both, pressing my lips against her hair as I try to keep my composure, wanting to be strong for her. I can't keep the tears at bay, however, when I hear her whisper, "My little Ambrose." Immortal. And I know that, in a way, he will be._


	7. Chapter 7

I walk through our old neighborhood, taking in all the changes since we moved away. Pausing in front of our old house, I sigh and put my hands in my pockets, staring.

_"A little to the left, dear," Esme directs me as I try to hang our wedding picture on the wall. _

_When she's finally satisfied, and the frame's hung in place, I step up to her. I kiss her sweetly as I wrap her in my arms. "Are you glad to be back, love?" I ask, quietly._

_Biting her lip, she nods. "Yes. I think... I think I need to be here now. Closer to my family. At least for a while. It was just..."_

_I nod, sighing. "I know. I understand, sweetheart. As long as you're happy, I don't care where we are."_

_"I know. I love you."_


	8. Chapter 8

As I pass the corner store, I shudder, pushing my hands deeper into my pockets as I try to rush past this place. This is where my life changed forever. Right here, on this very spot where my feet seem to stick and I can't move. Not forward, or back. 

I stare, unseeing, out into traffic, feeling the whoosh of air as cars drive by too fast.

_"Carlisle!" Esme calls happily as she sees me across the street._

_I smile when I spot her waving. I'm tired and on my way home from work. I'm sure Esme's timed her shopping to coincide with when I'd be passing this way. She always loves those few moments together, just walking._

_The light's red, so I dutifully wait for it to change before crossing. Esme's standing on the other side, bag of groceries in hand. When the light changes to indicate I can walk, her smile widens. I'm halfway across when I hear it: tires screeching, squealing as someone loses control of their car. People scream, and I call out to Esme to warn her, but it's too late._

_I watch in horror as the car comes racing through the intersection, running a red light, and veers onto the sidewalk and right into Esme, who flies through the air even as the car drives off into the distance._


	9. Chapter 9

Someone cups my elbow in their hand, and I gasp, blinking confusedly as I get my bearings again. Charlie watches me carefully, gauging whether I need help or if I'm going to be alright. The answer to that is unclear, even to me. I feel as if I'll never be alright again. 

Still, I smile reassuringly at him. Charlie nods grimly, his voice gruff as he asks, "Do you want me to give you a ride, Carlisle?"

He knows what today is. What awaits me once I make it to the hospital. He's been there for me ever since that fateful day. 

_Opening the door, I blink at Charlie standing on my porch looking tired but with a look of satisfaction as he says, "We got 'em, Carlisle. Found the bastard hiding away in a motel a couple of towns over. He'll pay for what happened, Carlisle. I promise."_

_All I can do is stare, unable to really grasp what he's telling me. Part of me can't even be bothered with it, because nothing will make Esme come back to me. No matter what happens, my life will never be the same again._


	10. Chapter 10

The ride to the hospital, short as it is, is quiet. Charlie follows me inside without my needing to ask. Every face I see is somber as I head to Esme's room. Taking my seat at her side, I reach for her hand, already so cold, it seems.

The doctor follows me in soon after, stopping at the other side of her bed. He takes a few last readings before turning to me. "Mr. Cullen?" he asks quietly.

I swallow hard, blinking tears from my eyes as Charlie clasps my shoulder, giving me his silent support.

"Mr. Cullen, sir, have you come to a decision regarding your wife?"

Lifting Esme's hand to my lips, I take a wavering breath and nod. She's been gone for so long now, it seems. The only thing that's still here is her body, and even that isn't making it on its own. Charlie's hand slides from my shoulder to my back as I stand to lean over and kiss my wife one last time.

Pressing my lips gently to her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks, her nose, and finally her mouth, I whisper hoarsely, "Goodbye, my love. Be at peace, now."

I step back to allow the doctor room to take her off life support, then take my place at her side again once he's finished. When the machine measures her heartbeat for the final time, I murmur, "I'll always love you, Esme, and I'll always remember."

**The End**


End file.
